This is a little late, but here’s a Christmas movie I will confess I completely forgot about until just recently. “We’re No Angels” stars Humphrey Bogart, Peter Ustinov, and Aldo Rey. This movie is a comedy about Christmas, though its humour is often wonderfully black. It is purported to take place in the French penal colony of Devil’s Island in the nineteenth century, and follows three escaped convicts who hole up with a nice family, intending to rob them, but end up helping them with their various troubles. It is set at Christmas, and they prepare the family a lovely (if mostly stolen) Christmas dinner. Trouble ensues when the family’s horrid cousin Andre and his son appear, having come to check up on the shop (which Andre owns).

Devil’s Island was an absolute hell-hole, and it is very much presented as not so bad during this movie. If you can set that aside for a moment, however, you are in for a light-hearted and fun time. To start with, Humphrey Bogart playing the lead in a comedy seems something of a stretch, however he gives a great performance and has some really funny lines. (Apparently he used to do comedy regularly on stage before he made a career in Hollywood in film noir and gangster films. He has a very dry, deadpan delivery which is used to great effect by the marvellous script:

I’m a crook, these two are murderers.

Not me, I’m a maniac.

The character, Joseph, is a forger and con artist who is in jail for his involvement with a factory selling ‘fresh air’, and apparently his forging of the accounts for said factory. He proves to be an expert and thoroughly unscrupulous salesman who brings more into their shop from two customers than they’ve taken in for a long time. Bogart uses the toothy grin that makes people nervous in his more serious films, but here is used to comedic effect as he persuades a mostly bald man to buy a brush set.

Peter Ustinov is Jules, a very polite and self-effacing man who is an expert lockpick safe cracker and pickpocket. Hower he is in jail for killing his wife. He tells one of the other characters:

Christmas has always been a wonderful time for me. In fact, that’s how I got into trouble. I came home and found my wife giving my friend a… present.

He goes on to say it was entirely his fault because he should have written and told her he was coming home. Unlike Bogart, Ustinov had done comic roles before. You could call the character of Jules British in his manners and it seems the director was playing to Ustinov’s strengths.

Isn’t that always the way? When you have a body you don’t want found everybody falls over it!

Aldo Rey is Albert, the third convict who has a serious problem with women. He clearly went through quite a lot of them when he was free, and these days he would definitely be up for harassment, assault even (though there’s no indication in the script he did anything worse than groping). What he is in jail for, however, is killing his uncle, who refused to give him money. The actor has a hard time holding his own against two such marvellous co-stars, but he does have some great moments.

A man doesn’t travel 4000 miles just to prove he’s a louse, he could do that in a letter, like I always did.

The stars are ably supported by a great cast, including Leo G Carroll, Joan Bennett, and the wonderful Basil Rathbone. Rathbone is cousin Andre. He is rude, arrogant, cruel, and basically the kind of role Rathbone could play in his sleep. He is a man who thinks of nothing but money, with pronouncements like:

Your opinion of me has no cash value.

Leo G Carroll is Felix, the proprietor of the shop. Felix is an honest man who goes through life with an air of complete befuddlement. He is absent-minded, but loves his family and won’t compromise his principles. The convicts find this very confusing as they do not have these qualms themselves. Caroll does the absent-minded but sweet character beautifully. Even though Andre accuses him of dishonesty and wants to have him jailed, he still will not do anything dishonest (such as letting Joseph do some creative accounting.)

Director Michael Curtiz (also known for classics like “Casablanca” and “Mildred Pierce”) has done a great job adapting this film from a stage play (“My Three Angels”). The use of the skylights on the roof enable the convicts to eavesdrop on all the important conversations without the setup looking too stagey. The screenplay writers (Albert Husson and Ranald Macdougall) have created a masterpiece of witty dialogue and one-liners. They are also very good at euphemism, thus ensuring the movie is not too adult. For example, the character of Albert is clearly not to be trusted around women, but the dialogue carefully skirts this in a way that a younger viewer would not understand. (At least I didn’t when I was younger.) The jokes are not confined to the stars only. Felix, for example, on discovering Cousin Andre has died, is part of the following exchange:

• Joseph: It’s true. He died in his sleep.
• Felix Ducotel: That was very considerate of him.
• Amelie Ducotel: I don’t know what to do.
• Felix Ducotel: The first thing to do is make sure that he’s dead. I don’t trust him.

The beauty of Andre’s fate is one of the great moments of this movie. The convicts plot to kill him because of his threats against Felix but realise they can’t as it might cast suspicion on the family. Then Andre takes action that leads to one of the most wonderful moments of karma (or divine providence) you will ever see in a movie. It’s an unlikely Christmas tale, but the convicts are three unlikely angels who assist in a Christmas miracle for a family which desperately needs one.

“We’re no Angels” is a fabulous movie, with a talented cast and director delivering a wonderful script and story. I would definitely recommend adding it to your Christmas watch list, or at any other time of the year.